You Can Have a Happier Marriage!

Being married is the hardest thing I've ever done.  (A woman in marriage counseling)

The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love . . . is ordered to the good of the couple . . . [and] Christ the Lord raised marriage between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament. (The Catechism of the Catholic Church)

So many of us can identify with the first statement above.  The fact is marriage can be difficult and painful.  The Catholic Church's view however is that marriage is supposed to be a life-enhancing sacrament, a refreshing partnership.  How in the world do we move from the first statement about marriage to the image of union described by the Church?  And why is it so difficult?

Why is Marriage So Difficult?

The real question is, "Why wouldn't marriage be difficult?" 

·          First of all, men and women are different.  We are wired differently.  We have different hormones, think differently, and communicate differently.  We are conditioned to act differently from early in life. Yet we're supposed to bring all those differences together and act as one. 

·          Secondly, spouses come from different family backgrounds.  We learn different approaches to life.  Think of all the topics where we might differ.

1.        Money                                                4. Career choices                                                7. Recreation

2.       Sex and Intimacy                             5. Family Relationships                                       8. Religious Choices

3.       Parenting Style                                 6. Communication                                                9. Anything Else!!!

·          Many of us have not had good models for healthy marriage!  How can you know what to do if you've never seen it or been taught how to do it!

No wonder marriage can be tough!  If you're struggling in your marriage, you're not alone.

How Good Can Your Marriage Be?

The Bible says that men should love their wives as Christ loved the church and that wives should show respect to their husbands (Ephesians 5:21-23).  This view of marriage suggests that spouses adopt an approach of mutual service to one another.  Each cares for the needs of the partner.  Each spouse is strengthened as they support one another.   Instead of fighting or merely tolerating one another, you can renew the joy that you once felt as a couple.  You can begin to laugh and enjoy one another again as you take on the tasks of life together.

How Marriage Counseling Helps

In marriage counseling, you can learn how to:

·          Listen in a manner that helps you to understand and be understood by your partner.

·          Identify each person's goals in all areas of life (big or small).

·          Develop solutions that meet each person's needs.  Both people win (or no one wins)!

·          Communicate effectively and respectfully with your spouse.

·          Balance work and family demands.

·          Increase emotional intimacy and sexual satisfaction.

·          Live your marriage as a sacrament and ministry.

Each spouse identifies how he or she contributes to the problems in the relatio6nship, and how each will contribute to solutions as well.  Marriage counseling requires effort.  It's work.  But it's far less work than settling for a painful relationship.  You can be happier in your marriage!